I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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