apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
