So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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