i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
