Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
