I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
