I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So apparently I’m into choking now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
