I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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