You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
