she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
