I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
