i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
