2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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