maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and she was petting her beer can
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
