dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
