I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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