Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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