distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
