That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
