He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
