Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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