Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
