so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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