It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
