Dual....:-)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
