The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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