i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my being single is dangerous.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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