I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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