You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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