Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
