$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize