Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
