my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
