Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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