Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
