This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
