i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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