A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
