You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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