So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
