Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
