One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
