she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
