maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
