i would punch a child for taco bell
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
