I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
