Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
