Whod you bang
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
