"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
