I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
