I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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