So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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