OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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