I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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