My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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