Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
