Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I party with great urgency now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
