new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
