I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize