In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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