I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
