Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize