Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
