Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
