Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
