If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
