You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
