my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
