i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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