I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
