You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize