It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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