WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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