Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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