I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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